What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Sitting on my back deck, sipping homemade iced tea and watching the hummingbirds at my feeders. My mom said she’d come back as a hummingbird.

What is your greatest fear?

Someone in my family dying.

What historical figure do you most admire?

Eve. She really got the ball rolling.

Which living person do you most admire?

Jasmine Crockett, a U.S. Representative from Texas. She’s not afraid to hand the old guard their asses on a platter.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Like most writers, I procrastinate.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Poor listening skills. It’s an epidemic.

What is your greatest extravagance:

Tropical plants. I live in Pennsylvania, so it never ends well.

What is your greatest achievement?

My son is funny and a good person. I like to think I had a hand in that.

Why do you refer to your husband as Panther Bob on stage?

I always explain it. Panther Bob was my husband’s screen name on AOL because he went to the University of Pittsburgh. The internet used to be fun.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Panther Bob is really great at putting up with me. I’m a lot.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

I love an old broad who appreciates a good cocktail. Favorite journey: To the library.

How often do you lie?

Oh God, all the time. I’m honestly not interested in most of the things men usually talk about — sports, superhero movies, that kind of stuff — but I pretend to be.

What do you dislike about your appearance?

My long arms. It’s impossible to find clothing that fits properly. I once blocked 18 shots in college though.

What is your greatest regret?

Using the weed killer Round-Up.

What living person do you despise?

Whoever is running Monsanto. If you’re selling a product that might be linked to cancer, why would you keep selling it? Don’t use Round-Up.

What’s a word you overuse?

Cool.

What is your current state of mind?

Vermont.

What would you change about your family?

There would be personnel changes for sure.

What is your most treasured possession?

My mom’s nursing pin. In an act of defiance, she left her hometown to go to the Presbyterian Nursing School in Pittsburgh. She conquered a lot of obstacles to get there.

What was your dad like?

He was under the mistaken impression that he was John Wayne — but in a good way. Tough, larger than life, full of swagger. And he had a razor-sharp wit, always quick with a comeback.

What is your marked characteristic?

My height. It’s a cheat code for stage presence.

What do you value in friends?

Loyalty. There are some real Judases out there.

What are your favorite names?

Peter O’Toole. That was his real name! Also, years ago I had a dog named Hootie. She was cool.

What is it that you most dislike?

Traffic.

How do you hope to die?

At home. When you have cancer, you think about that a lot.

What is your motto?

Life’s a buffet, sample everything. –RuPaul

Do you wish you started comedy earlier?

Nope. Now is the time.

Caricature by Clarence Butler